How to Talk to Kids About Surgery

As a parent, your child's surgery can be an overwhelming experience. You're worried about so many things at once: what will happen during the procedure, will the surgery fix the issue, how will the experience affect your child, and, most importantly, will your child be ok?

But for a kid going through such a big event, the person they look to for guidance and reassurance is you. Learning how to talk to your child about their surgery can help both of you manage your emotions and get through it together.

Approach It With the Right Energy

The last thing you may feel in this situation is calm. But how you behave will have an enormous impact on how your child responds. If you outwardly show stress and anxiety, your child will likely mirror that state of mind.

Take the Time They Need

As every parent knows, talking to a child about anything important can be an exercise in frustration; discussing serious and important topics might be something they'd rather avoid, too. But helping your child understand and prepare will help them deal with the experience in a healthier way. It may take some time, and they may get distracted or not pay attention. Try to not get frustrated; it's important to go at their pace, not yours.

Keep It Simple

Remember that your child probably won't understand the complexities of their condition or their surgery. Your kid may be scared or confused about their surgery, and may latch onto what they're told in ways you might not anticipate. Use the simplest language possible to explain what's happening, and avoid complex medical jargon.

Keep It Honest

It may be tempting to spare your child worry and stress, but your child will look to you for guidance through this experience. Maintaining that trust means making sure they have an accurate understanding of what will happen. Avoid making promises that you can’t keep, or giving answers you don’t know.

Use Visuals

Surgery can be confusing for all ages. Visual aids like simple pictures are a great way to guide your explanation about your child's condition, why they need surgery, and what will happen during the operation. For younger kids, try using a doll or stuffed animal to act out the surgery.

Answer Their Questions

Your child has a very different perspective, and may not have the same concerns that you do as an adult. Listen to their questions and take them seriously; for a child, their worries aren't silly or unnecessary. Make sure that they feel like they have an active role in their treatment, and that their concerns are valid.

Ask Some Of Your Own

No one knows your kid as well as you do. You might feel that you know your child well enough to understand what they're thinking without asking them. But every child has their own thoughts about their experiences, and surgery is not a typical experience. Find out what they are going through and listen to their answers without dismissing them.

Questions can also help you find the right place to start your explanations. Asking about what they think is happening can give you a better sense of what they understand.

Let Them Feel Their Emotions

The idea of surgery can be stressful, even scary. Like adults, young children may not be able to process what they're feeling, or those emotions may come out in unexpected ways. The same holds true for teens; they may respond with indifference, avoidance, or even hostility. It can be difficult for a parent when their kid doesn't respond the way they want them to, especially when you are trying to reassure them. But giving them space to react without trying to make them behave a certain way will help them deal with their emotions in a healthier way.

Ask for Help

Your pediatric surgery team has years of experience helping children and their families understand what's happening and how to deal with it. There's nothing wrong with asking for help from the experts who are already working hard for you and your child.

Reassure Them

While it can be scary, surgery is intended to make your child feel better. Help them focus on the positives by talking about how the surgery will help, and remind them about what they can do after their operation. And above all, make sure they know you will be there for them through the entire experience.